*I started writing this post before this pandemic started and decided to put a hold on sharing it because I was nervous I was going to trigger someone. Isolating myself and being alone was a major factor that didn’t help with my feelings and I did not want to put thoughts into anyone’s head during such an anxious time within itself.

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I’ve been getting a lot of messages asking about how I am handling the transition from 1 to 2 kids so I thought I’d put a post together on this topic. It’s kind of a 2-in-1 of how I handled the transition, and my fourth trimester the second time around.

Before I really get into it, I’d like to say, no I did not battle serious postpartum depression or need medication. I did however, deal with some level of depression that I was thankfully able to handle. Yes, postpartum depression is real and I urge any parent who sees the signs to go talk to someone. I knew the signs and was aware of what was going on so I didn’t let myself get too far into it.

Also, having 2 kids is a blessing! I would do the transition all over again for them so I also don’t want to scare anyone away. Parenting alone has it’s ups and downs and it just hit me double during my fourth trimester.

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Transitioning from 1 to 2

I’ll start this one out by saying I was crying on my way to the hospital because I was so scared Wilder wasn’t going to love me anymore or want to talk to me. I’ve heard so many stories about jealous siblings and it scared me. So from day 1, I was already feeling emotional, haha.

I’m happy to say Wilder still loves me and talks to me, but it took some time. He did not want me to do anything with him for a while. He only wanted daddy and that’s completely normal guys. He just wanted attention too, but he knew I couldn’t because I had the baby.

I would say the hardest part about this transition is the fact that I only have 2 hands. When B is home, it’s a bit easier because I take 1 kid and he takes the other. That’s probably been the best solution so far on having happy kids. At least for us. During his busy season, I asked for help from my mom or sister on the weekends when he wasn’t home. I learned to ask for help this time around. I needed it. I couldn’t put Elsie to sleep and watch Wilder at the same time. Please don’t feel like you’re a failure if you ask for help. You NEED it. It takes a village people!

Wilder has been easier than I expected, but don’t be fooled, we went through a month of a hard transition. B wasn’t around much for about a month. I was home alone all day with Elsie and nights with Wilder. It was tough on me and I think Wilder could sense it. I learned my afternoon routines with 2 really quickly. I would make sure Elsie slept on the way to pick Wilder up from daycare and would wake her up after I got us home and started to feed Wilder dinner. That nap was crucial because we all know what witching hour looks like! I would feed Elsie while Wilder ate his dinner and most of the time TV was involved. TV was actually my lifesaver (and still is at times). You’ll do what you gotta do at times like this. Around 6pm Elsie gets fussy so I make sure we head upstairs around then. I’ve been giving Elsie a bath first lately now that she’s at daycare, but around the newborn stage she didn’t need them all the time so she would lay down and watch Wilder get a quick bath. And by quick, I mean quick. No time to play…sorry Wilder. Elsie was (still is sometimes) way to fussy around this time for him to play. So we do a quick wipe down, brush our teeth, and then get Elsie wiped down and ready for bed. I put Wilder in his crib, tell him stories or sing him songs, and nurse Elsie to sleep. Both of them are usually asleep by 7:30. Thanks to B we can now leave Wilder alone awake and he goes to sleep without us having to hold his hand to sleep. We tell him we love him, goodnight, and he’s happily off to sleep!

Taking care of 2 kids is tough, but Wilder is actually the best entertainer around! He loves Elsie and plays with her every chance he gets. He’s pretty much obsessed with her and is such a wonderful brother. So in terms of transition from 1 to 2, it was tough in the beginning, but after the first 2 months we had a method down. For the most part I handle Elsie and B handles Wilder.

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The fourth trimester & how I handled the blues

Postpartum the second time around wasn’t as easy as my first. The first time around, I bounced back quicker and didn’t have an extra child I had to look after. The second time around my hormones were a little more intense and I found myself crying all the time (this is normal). There were times where B was so worried and kept asking me what was wrong, but I assured him it was nothing just my crazy hormones trying to figure themselves out again. Hormones are crazy guys. The crying for no reason lasted for about 1-2 weeks and thankfully stopped.

I am more aware of my body this time around and what I should expect as my “bouncing back” body. My stomach sticks out a little bit more than it used to and I’m still holding on to that extra weight I did when I breastfed Wilder. These are things I’m aware of and am going to have to accept. What keeps me positive in the “bouncing back” body department is that I made a promise to myself that I’d workout 5-6 times a week on the elliptical. Knowing that I’m doing something makes me feel better about it all. BUT do know that it took me a year to bounce back to my normal self and I expect that to happen again this time once I stop breastfeeding. Ladies, give yourself grace. Let your body heal. You spent 9 months growing a human…give yourself at least 9 months for it to “bounce back.”

I think after 1 month postpartum is when I started to go downhill. This was when B went back to work and actually didn’t come home until 10pm most nights. He also had to work weekends, which made it harder for me. I was home alone all day with a newborn taking all of my attention and would then go pick Wilder up from daycare in the afternoons to give him my attention as well. 2 kids taking all of my attention leaving me with very little me-time. Me-time is SO IMPORTANT for any parent. Mom’s especially during this time. This is why I mentioned working out above and the promise I made to myself. It was only 20 minutes a day, but it was my time.

I felt very lonely during the months of January and February. Also, having a baby during the winter is hard on any parent because it’s too cold to go out with a newborn and it’s flu season. I was mentally prepared this time around because Wilder was also born in November, but that still doesn’t mean I didn’t feel lonely and get cabin fever.

I remember telling myself everyday it’s just a season and B’s busy period at work will be over. The newborn season will be over. This early stage will all be over soon. It was hard. I remember going to Elsie’s 2 month check-up clearly looking like I’ve been crying, but of course tried to hide it and hold everything back. As a new mom they have you fill out a form to check on how you’re doing and I remember filling it out and being honest on how I was doing. I was secretly hoping they would talk to me, but they looked it over and were like, “okay this looks like a normal mom of 2.” I was shocked by the response, but also wasn’t because unfortunately the proper post-partum health check-ups get overlooked for women. It should be noted this was at my child pediatrician too, not my OBGYN. I share this as I thought it was an interesting experience and not the response I expected (nor should have received – in my opinion)…

I honestly started to feel better once I went back to work. I was able to see people, have normal adult human interaction, and do what I loved doing for myself.

I wanted to share this post to bring light to how others may have felt and how others may feel in the future. You may or may not be a mom, but I think it’s important for anyone to understand what might be going on after you or someone else has a baby. I share this not to upset anyone, but there were days that I wished friends reached out to me asking how I was doing. It’s nothing against them at all because some of them don’t have children and don’t understand…and I’m sure they thought I was busy. But this is why I’m sharing—reach out to your new and old mom friends. See how THEY are doing. Not just their kid(s). Yes, they may not text back immediately, but you asking them how they are doing could mean a lot to them.

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I’m happy to say I’m doing much better! I have my moments, but don’t we all. Please don’t ever let dark thoughts over flow your head without reaching out to someone. Chances are you are not alone in the moment and someone may be going through it at the exact same time you are.

Sending hugs and love, xoxo!